About transparency, deep unwanted emotions, useless indignation, etc etc.
I was in my early 20s and a beautiful friend asked me in all sincerity, why do you feel so deeply about something as trivial as a song? I remember that I didn't know the answer and could only laugh about it with her. I didn't think anything of that conversation for years after that.
Life went on, as it would, through devious mazes, crossroads and cul de sacs and cliff ends. And on a crucial horrible day, a person I dislike said in accusation, you are unnecessarily sensitive, etc etc. But this time, I thought a lot about what he said. I wondered why I was like that. I hated myself for feeling so deeply. I could not understand why others did not feel about things the way I did. I decided I was just too immature.
Life went on, as it would, through devious mazes, crossroads and cul de sacs and cliff ends. And some day, I just got tired of wondering why I was immature or whatever. I decided that I was not going to apologize for the little bit of me that was left inside me. Yes, I felt deeply. Yes, I am transparent. Yes, I am vulnerable. It is a need. A need to know that I am still alive, and human.
I have 2 teenagers at home. My Dothraki and my Goth. Sometimes my Dothraki shares stuff with me. Sometimes he tells me not to watch a movie because "I think it will disturb you"! Umm, who is the parent here!? He also sits down and speaks out about his confused mind, and tries to understand my mind too. I think we understand each other because I still feel those feelings that he feels. He knows that I hurt with them. That I enjoy with them. They both know that I feel the same indignation with them and I'm not jaded yet.
All my unwanted emotions, useless indignation and senseless mirth are at home now. It's nice to be transparent about one's feelings. Because it validates the authentic feelings of our near ones. When I am transparent, their goodness grows. Life will go on, as it wills, through devious mazes, crossroads and cul de sacs and cliff ends.
"It is well with my soul."
I was in my early 20s and a beautiful friend asked me in all sincerity, why do you feel so deeply about something as trivial as a song? I remember that I didn't know the answer and could only laugh about it with her. I didn't think anything of that conversation for years after that.
Life went on, as it would, through devious mazes, crossroads and cul de sacs and cliff ends. And on a crucial horrible day, a person I dislike said in accusation, you are unnecessarily sensitive, etc etc. But this time, I thought a lot about what he said. I wondered why I was like that. I hated myself for feeling so deeply. I could not understand why others did not feel about things the way I did. I decided I was just too immature.
Life went on, as it would, through devious mazes, crossroads and cul de sacs and cliff ends. And some day, I just got tired of wondering why I was immature or whatever. I decided that I was not going to apologize for the little bit of me that was left inside me. Yes, I felt deeply. Yes, I am transparent. Yes, I am vulnerable. It is a need. A need to know that I am still alive, and human.
I have 2 teenagers at home. My Dothraki and my Goth. Sometimes my Dothraki shares stuff with me. Sometimes he tells me not to watch a movie because "I think it will disturb you"! Umm, who is the parent here!? He also sits down and speaks out about his confused mind, and tries to understand my mind too. I think we understand each other because I still feel those feelings that he feels. He knows that I hurt with them. That I enjoy with them. They both know that I feel the same indignation with them and I'm not jaded yet.
All my unwanted emotions, useless indignation and senseless mirth are at home now. It's nice to be transparent about one's feelings. Because it validates the authentic feelings of our near ones. When I am transparent, their goodness grows. Life will go on, as it wills, through devious mazes, crossroads and cul de sacs and cliff ends.
"It is well with my soul."
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